Trauma Free World

In athletics, it’s often the off-season that really makes the difference for in-season success. Getting stronger. Building skill. Making adjustments. Updating strategy. Reinforcing culture.

Team culture is the x-factor

Most coaches will tell you that a resilient and positive team culture is often the X-factor that makes a difference between winning and losing. It inspires maximum effort from players. It attracts and retains the best talent. Who wants to put forth maximum effort or be on a team whose culture is demeaning, transactional, or toxic, right?

So, here’s the thing. Emotionally healthy athletes will respond to just about any coaching and motivational technique – even in a subpar team culture. But emotionally fragile and trauma-affected athletes will not. And, let’s face it, in the time we find ourselves, this is a large and growing number of the players (and coaches). It’s not that emotionally fragile and trauma-affected athletes are weak, unteachable, or rebellious.

Emotionally healthy athletes will respond to just about any coaching and motivational technique, but trauma-affected athletes will not.

The fact is trauma and toxic stress directly affect ATHLETES’ brains, their ability to learn, how their bodies handle ongoing stress, how they build relationships with team members and respond to authority, and even their core belief systems.

Three ways coaches can help

With that in mind, here are three ways that understanding and responding to toxic stress and trauma can make your offseason the strongest it can be.

1. Your players need to feel safe

Athletes might be physically safe when in the facilities or engaging with teammates and staff, but if they don’t feel safe, it won’t really matter. Feeling safe allows a person’s brain to calm and to more easily engage in things like decision-making, hard work, taking ownership, building relationships, and problem-solving. If you’re installing a new scheme, problem-solving and decision-making are key. Hitting the weight room or working on cardio? Working hard is a must. Giving individual coaching? If an athlete doesn’t feel safe, their fear brain fires up, and they won’t be able to hear you or retain what you said. Trying to build a stronger sense of team? Fear cripples the efforts. Click here for a quick evaluation to see how you’re doing building felt safety.

2. Respect and enforce boundaries

For far too long, physical aggression and in-your-face verbal interaction have been the go-to motivation technique in athletics.

As this Psych Central article says, “The old school of thought was that a little yelling at players will ‘toughen them up and prepare them for real life.’ Fortunately, we now know better.”

Again, for an emotionally healthy athlete, this might work – for a time. But these techniques don’t bring out what a modern athlete needs. It might create temporary compliance, but it will never build trust, lead to players that can make the necessary adjustments in the heat of competition, or create a culture where feedback leads to breakthroughs in strategy and team-building both on and off the field.

3. Build trust and connection

No other idea is more foundational to building a resilient and positive culture than establishing trust and connection. A central concept in making this a reality is to “connect before you correct”. This doesn’t have to be rocket science or require a counseling degree. Simple, intentional interaction can build this foundation. From our Coaches Playbook training, there are four “powers” that can go a long way!

  1. The Power of Praise – call out a player’s effort, behavior, or character;
  2. The Power of Presence – take just 2-3 minutes to show players you just enjoy being with them.
  3. The Power of Approval – approval of a player no matter their behavior or level of performance; and
  4. The Power of Repairing Ruptures – Clear the air. Show humility and apologize when you make a mistake.

Want to learn more?

Take this quick assessment to find out how your program is doing at creating psychological safety and building connection as the first steps toward creating a resilient and positive culture.

And, if you want to gather your staff or other coaches in your network for some off-season training in how to build the kind of resilient and positive culture you want, Trauma Free World has training with athletics specifically in mind. Contact Brian Bertke at brianbertke@traumafreeworld.org to learn more.

Few endeavors have more influence on people than athletics. Commit yourself to being the best coach you can be. Your players and staff will notice and respond to the difference your culture makes!

Talking about Schools and Mental Health

In early March of this year one of my favorite education websites – the74million.org – published an opinion piece, Schools and Educators Are Uniquely Positioned to Support Students’ Mental Health. Here Are 7 Things They Can Do. 

For those who find themselves immersed in the current discussion about schools and what they can be doing to promote mental health and social-emotional learning (SEL) the list isn’t groundbreaking. But, it does provide a concise thread of some of the best thinking for what schools are working hard to deliver so kids can learn and grow. The article is a short read and I recommend you take a look if you want to know more about these ideas.

The List is Missing a Critical Element

However, the list omits what I would suggest is the most important of all potential school interventions in the mental health space – creating a community committed to cultivating a culture of felt safety. Schools spend a great deal of time and money making sure schools are physically safe. (Fire, tornado, and live shooter drills, adequate signage and lighting, even resource officers are meant to promote physical safety should students face a threat.) However, far less time and money (sometimes none at all) is focused on how schools can promote Psychological Safety – i.e. felt safety. You see, all students benefit from feeling psychologically safe. But for students who’ve experienced trauma – felt safety is non-negotiable. For learning, building trust, connecting to others, and every other positive education/school outcome, it doesn’t matter if students are safe – they must feel safe. 

Culture of Felt-Safety Important

Anti-bullying programs, pro-diversity and LGBTQ+ programs, suicide prevention programs, risk assessment strategies, and other interventions highlighted in the74’s opinion piece are important. No question! But creating a culture of felt safety cannot be accomplished through implementing programs or assessment tools. Felt safety can’t be outsourced to school counselors, community resources, even carried forward by staff who “care”. A culture of felt safety is only created when every adult working in the structure of schooling – including support staff, aides, bus drivers, coaches, etc. – understands, recognizes, and responds to the underlying cause of so many mental health issues amongst students – trauma. 

A Hard Truth – Trauma is an epidemic

And, here is the hard truth. Whether through experiencing trauma like abuse, neglect, abandonment, or community violence in the early, developmental years of life or experiencing trauma later in life – including the trauma and toxic stress of the pandemic – the number of kids worldwide who’ve experienced trauma is clearly far above the pre-pandemic number of 50%. The fact is, post-pandemic, the vast majority of kids – kids in every community in every part of the world – are living with the effects of trauma. 

Trauma is not a fad.

Hear me on this. Trauma is not a fad or merely the topic of the day. Schools (and everywhere, really) will never stop having to deal with the effects of trauma, but in the next decade or more this will be felt more acutely than ever before. 

This is why learning about and maintaining a truly trauma-informed lens in schools is as important as physical safety, social-emotional learning, effective pedagogy, or sharpening teacher content knowledge. The 74’s list of “seven things” is laudable – and important – but it neglects the underlying truth that cultivating a community of adults with specific interventions and skills – trauma-informed interventions and skills – is the key to much of what schools are working so hard to accomplish.

It may seem surprising, but your team meetings could be getting derailed by wounds that are decades old! 

70% of adults and 50% of kids have experienced trauma, which, even years later, can fire up the fear brain and shut down the thinking brain. When people’s thinking brain shuts down they have more difficulty with decision making, problem solving, learning, and thinking creatively — which are all things you need to have a great meeting. Good news though, making a little extra effort to ensure people feel safe helps quiet people’s fear brain so that their amazing thinking brains can wake up and participate.

1.  Send an agenda and/or a pre-read in advance.

I know, this is a pain, sometimes with busy schedules it’s hard enough just to get to all the meetings, but sending a few bullet points ahead of time can be powerful. Executive functioning, which happens in the prefrontal cortex, can be impacted by trauma making  it difficult for trauma-affected people to process things on the spot. Giving your team a chance to read through ideas in advance can give them more time to think through the issues and creates less pressure during the meeting to have an immediate answer. Even giving people a quick snapshot of the topics that will be covered, what you expect them to do in the meeting, and what you hope to achieve as a group helps take away any fear of surprises and will help people feel more confident to contribute.

2.  Allow for think time during the meeting.

As mentioned above, responding in real-time can be hard for people who have or are experiencing toxic stress or have a history of trauma. (Actually, about half of us don’t like responding in real-time anyways because of our temperaments!)  If you didn’t have time to send an agenda or pre-read, don’t panic, just give people a few minutes to think prior to open discussion. Saying something like “I want to present a few ideas and then I’ll give everyone a few minutes to think about it before we open the discussion” can really help people’s brain relax so they can think about the issue instead of worrying about needing to respond quickly.

3.  Start with hello and some eye contact. 

Often, in our time-restricted environments, we find ourselves rushing from one meeting to the next and just jump in full steam ahead to tackle our objectives. Taking even just a minute or two to say hello, smile at people, and ask how they are doing can help people feel seen, heard, and valued as a person. Take a mental note of the “emotional temperature” of the room before starting. If it seems people have not had a chance to fully discharge the emotion and pressure from a previous encounter, start with one minute of silence and some deep breaths to help people clear their heads and restore calm to their brain.  

4.  Check your space.

Feeling safe allows us to access more of our brain power to work hard, take ownership and think creatively. The more comfortable we are in an environment, the safer we feel. You don’t have to provide expensive leather office chairs or anything, but making sure people know where the conference room/meeting is, providing directions, making sure the room is well lit, having enough chairs, etc. can go a long way in helping people feel safe and welcome.

5.  Be aware of Sensory Triggers. 

85% of people who experienced trauma as a young child have sensory sensitivities – light, noise, movement, etc. Do a quick check of your meeting environment to think about what might affect people. Is it a glass conference room with lots of visual stimuli or is the room extremely cold? Are the chairs so tightly packed that personal space may be difficult to maintain?  It can be tough to predict sensitivities, so try to talk about it openly or ask questions in real time. “Is this light bothering anyone?” or “I’m distracted by too much movement, so I pulled the blinds, is everyone ok with that?“ or “Please feel welcome to stand in the back if you need to move or if it helps you concentrate.”

6.  Give people a voice. 

“Psychological safety” is the key to helping people activate their thinking brain. This means your team members need to actually be safe and feel safe. A big part of feeling safe is knowing that your voice counts. Be sure to remind your team often that their voice is important and that you’ll be taking their opinions into consideration. Tell them up front what you are going to do with their ideas and how you as a team or leader will come to a final decision so they can see that their input matters.

7.  Give people choices. 

Another key aspect of psychological safety is being able to exercise the power to choose. Often people from trauma did not get a chance to choose what happened to them, so having the ability to choose can help empower and strengthen them. You can do this in big or small ways. You could give people the choice to submit ideas to you in writing instead of attending the meeting. Or you could give people a choice when/where the meeting occurs. Sharing your power with others can help everyone feel more connected to the work or project.

8.  Help people regulate. 

Experiencing trauma often affects one’s ability to regulate emotions. When under pressure or tired people can either act out (anger, explosive emotions, etc.) or “act in” (shut down, withdraw, etc.). If you feel like your meeting is dragging a bit or getting tense, don’t be afraid to steer it in a different direction. Saying something to the group like “OK, I’m feeling like we’re all getting a little tired, let’s all stand up and take a lap around the room to get our energy flowing.” Or, “OK! Time out! I’m seeing we’ve got a lot of strong opinions and I want to hear everyone’s thoughts. Let’s take 2 minutes to take some deep breaths, stretch and regroup.”  For more ideas on how to help people regulate check out our Regulation Techniques webinar.

9.  Shut down culture-killers. 

As the leader of the meeting, showing you are trustworthy helps people feel safe and ready to engage. Demonstrate respect and insist that others show respect as well. Watch out for things like favoritism, gossip, discrimination, negative talk about someone who isn’t present, etc. These things can erode a team’s trust in you and in each other. Practice some scripts you can use if this comes up like “Hey, guys, it’s important to me that we’ve got a culture where everyone is welcome and valued, so I’m going to jump in here and ask that you stop that kind of talk now and in the future, ok?”

10.   Bring snacks. 

It may sound silly, but making sure people are hydrated and nourished helps signal safety and care. Moreover, when people’s physical needs are met, it can help reduce distraction and increase focus.

Business guru Patrick Lencioni says:

“If you could get all the people in the organization rowing in the same direction, you could dominate any industry, in any market, against any competition, at any time.”

We hope these tips help you get all of the people on your team rowing in the same direction!

ACTIVE LISTENING

Active listening is one of the most helpful skills we can utilize to help someone involved in active or recent trauma. When we listen to someone, we help carry the weight of their story with them. Studies show that listening to someone’s story is powerfully healing because it reduces anxiety and removes its power over a person.

 

Active listening is about listening and reflecting back what you’ve heard.

 

While listening seems like a simple concept – close your mouth and open your ears – for many of us, it is a challenging exercise requiring lots of self-control. It requires concentration. It takes quieting our mind of our own experience and fully immersing ourselves in another person’s experience.

One of the hardest pieces of active listening is not rushing in to fix the issues. Part of healing is allowing people to feel their emotions and grieve losses. Recognize it’s ok for them to be sad or angry or frustrated. Just talking about it with a trusted person is the right way to help a person heal. When we empathize with someone else by sitting with them in their pain and acknowledging that they were heard and their emotions were valid, healing begins.

 

WHAT IS ACTIVE LISTENING?

Processing a traumatic memory is especially important within the first 24 – 72 hours of an event happening. The right side of our brain, the emotional and experiential side, works faster than the left side of our brain, the logical side. When we experience a traumatic event, our emotions and experiences are logged in our right brain very quickly. If we don’t have a chance to talk about what happened, that memory can get stuck there. Asking what happened uses the logical side of our brain. Pairing it with the emotional side helps integrate it across the brain. When we reflect back what they’ve said, both the event and the emotion, they hear it coming back towards them.

 

THREE STEPS

We can help integrate a memory across the whole brain with active listening.

There are 3 Simple Steps to Active Listening

1.     ASK – What happened? Or what happened first/next?

2.     ASK – How did that make you feel?

3.     REFLECT – Paraphrase what you heard. Restate the emotion they felt.

Then, repeat the process until the person is finished talking.

“What happened next? How did that feel? I hear you say…”

“Was there anything else? How did that make you feel? This is what I heard…”

When you’re finished listening, be sure to:

Thank the person for sharing

Remind them you are there to listen if there’s more they want to say

Remind them you are with them and for them.

 

NAMING EMOTIONS

If a person doesn’t have words to describe the emotion they’re feeling, help them come up with words by asking them questions. For example, if a person shares they were being bullied and can’t describe the emotion, you might say, “Where did you feel it in your body? What did it feel like?” Once you’ve honed in on what the emotion might be, you can ask, “Did you feel scared? When we’re scared, we are worried someone might hurt us, or we don’t feel safe. We might feel like running or even fighting back. Was that how you felt?” If not, try again. “Did you feel bad about yourself or like you were a bad person? That’s called shame. Was that how you felt?” Sometimes, we have more than one emotion going on, so exploring several emotions can be helpful.

 

PAY ATTENTION TO:

Your Body Language

 

Your Voice quality

 

REMEMBER…

Remember that people will need time to think, process, and heal. It’s ok if there are some

difficult moments and emotions. Prepare yourself to accept the following:

 

 

Being heard heals, reduces stress, comforts, connects,
improves confidence, and helps make people feel valued.

 

 

 

RESOURCES:

 

Seven Steps to be a Better Listener. (2019, October 1). University of Utah Health. Retrieved January 10, 2022, from https://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/shows.php?shows=0_nc3919v2

Folkman, J., & Zenger, J. (2021, November 30). What Great Listeners Actually Do. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2016/07/what-great-listeners-actually-do

Jahromi, V. K., Tabatabaee, S. S., Abdar, Z. E., & Rajabi, M. (2016, March 25). Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers. NCBI. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4844478/

Safe Listener’s Promise. (2018). Trauma Healing Basics. https://www.traumahealingbasics.org/safe-listeners-promise 

Trauma Healing Institute. (2018). Three Questions. Trauma Healing Basics. Retrieved 2022, from https://www.traumahealingbasics.org/three-questions

Wenger Jr., H. (2014, January 8). The Relative Effectiveness of Active Listening in Initial Interactions. Taylor & Francis. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10904018.2013.813234

Augsburger, D.W. Caring Enough to Hear and Be Heard: How to Hear and How to Be Heard in Equal Communication. Baker Publishing Group. 1982

Swing, S. & Towner, S. Listen to my Life

We have been getting calls from our Affiliate Trainers in Eastern Europe looking for tools to help volunteers and organizations that are trying to help people traumatized from the war in the Ukraine. We also have recently been working with a community of people who were affected by the Oxford High School shooting last year to help parents and families process that tragic and traumatic event. As I think through what we can share to be most helpful, I’m reminded of so many other traumatic events this year, from the tornadoes in Kentucky to the collapse of the Champlain towers in Florida as well as my own personal grief and loss. It gives me such a heavy heart to think of all the difficulties and hardships, and, yet, as a professional trainer, I know that the human brain is unlike anything else on earth in its astounding capacity to develop, learn, adapt and heal. Be encouraged. There ARE techniques that can help.

If you experienced a traumatic event or someone you love has, first of all, let me say how sorry I am. My heart and prayers go out to you and I hope something in the ideas below will help you and your family and community to heal.

A brief explanation of brain integration…

Let me start with a quick explanation. When we’re doing well, the different parts of our brain are integrated and work together harmoniously. When we experience a traumatic event, our brain survives by shutting down certain parts to divert energy to other areas that keep us alive. When the traumatic event is over, it can be hard to get things working harmoniously again. All of the stress and emotional energy can become compartmentalized from the rest of our brain and lodge the traumatic memory in the emotional center of our brain without it being integrated across our whole brain.  While this is helpful in the moment, if it stays this way, we can suffer from anxiety, depression, memories that activate us, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.

Here are a few ways to work through the pain of a traumatic event so the brain can integrate and work through the experience.

1. Talk about it right away and again and again

 When we talk about what happened during a traumatic event with a safe and trusted person, some of the emotional power is released and we begin the process of integrating the memory into the logical portion of our brain. This takes time and repetition and is ideally begun within 24 – 48 hours of the traumatic event. Journaling can also be a part of this process.

2. Pair logic and emotion

When you talk through memories, it can be helpful to use pairs of questions that reach both sides of the brain – the analytical/thinking side and the emotional side. If you are helping someone talk through a traumatic event or if you are journaling yourself, try asking or answering questions like these.

–       What happened first? How did that feel?

–       Where were you when it happened? Do you remember how you felt?

–       Who was with or near you? Were you able to talk to each other? How did that feel?

–       Then what happened? What did that feel like?

–       What happened after that? What feelings came then?

Pairing a factual question with a feeling question helps integrate the logical and emotional centers of the brain.

Both adults and children need to process. Allowing someone to talk through things often can help them feel safe. While it is difficult to talk about tragedy or traumatic events, processing it with a love one can help people move beyond the trauma. If you have little people in your life, be sure you give them a chance to talk through something stressful. Even a pre-verbal child needs someone to help them process by talking it through for them and reminding them they are safe now.  

3. Allow yourself to be emotional – don’t stuff it down!

Pay attention when emotions surface and LET. THEM. OUT.  Stuffing negative emotions doesn’t help them dissipate. Emotions that are not expressed come out anyway. They come out in our physical body in the form of high blood pressure, increased heart rate, sweating, sickness, or other life threating illnesses. Crying is good for us.  Barton Goldsmith, Ph. D., from Psychology Today reminds us that, “Expressing your pain is actually a good way to make it stop.”

4. Rest

Releasing emotional energy is physically exhausting. Don’t be surprised if you’re more tired than usual and give yourself space to rest when you need it. Practice deep breathing exercises. Deep breathing is calming and centering.

5. Listen to your body, but not your cravings

Movement can be very healing. If you feel antsy or are “all-in-your-head”, any kind of activity—walking, bike riding, basketball, anything you can do–can be an excellent outlet for emotional stress.

6. Shift your focus

If you find yourself being activated by a traumatic memory, take some deep breaths, and notice your surroundings. When we look at the world around us, it shifts our focus outward and brings down the emotional intensity we may be experiencing.

7. Practice gratitude, even while healing

Even though it seems counter-intuitive to be thankful in difficult circumstances, the act of looking for things to be thankful for is powerfully healing. It helps balance out the negativity our brain has experienced. It changes our brain structure in good ways and builds resilience.    

Healing takes time and intentionality, and, as a good friend often reminds me, “It takes as long as it takes.” Be gentle with yourself and work towards healing. If you feel overwhelmed, seek professional help or reach out to a friend, your spiritual community or a mentor.

Additional Reading and Resources

In every business there are partnerships and clients you don’t want. And, let’s be honest, Trauma Free World is no different. But, perhaps, our reasons might be a bit different than yours.

Case in point, a partnership we’re building right now – one we didn’t want – is with Kensington Church, a multi-site church in the Detroit, Michigan (USA) area. More specifically, Kensington’s Orion campus north of downtown Detroit. 

The reason we didn’t want a partnership? The Orion Campus is located just down the road from Oxford High School, the school that experienced the U.S.’s most recent school shooting and one of the four Oxford students killed in the shooting was involved and beloved at Kensington Orion. 

It’s not that we didn’t want a partnership with Kensington. They do amazing work in their community and are committed to caring for their people. They’re exactly the kind of place that knows the importance of trauma-informed care and, under more normal circumstances, a great partner for Trauma Free World.

What we didn’t want was this partnership. A partnership built on the harsh and overwhelming realities brought on by the Oxford shooting. No one wants a partnership built on something so tragic. So devastating. So senseless.

But, deep wounds like this don’t just go away. They can’t be wished away. They can’t be reasoned away or ignored. Prayer is such a helpful part of healing but, most often, it doesn’t deliver a miraculous deliverance of trauma’s effects. Healing from deep wounds like this takes dedicated work (and prayers!) of family, friends, pastors, and the greater community of helpers. This is why Trauma Free World exists – to bring trauma training to everyone, everywhere – even if we wish tragedies like the Oxford shooting weren’t the reason.

For Kensington, Trauma Free World’s role right now is helping answer parent’s questions like “How do I get my kids to share about their feelings and fears if they don’t want to talk?” 

Helping kids work through things like, “I’ll never go to the bathroom at school again because someone got shot in there and there isn’t a way for me to escape from a room like that if it happens again.” 

Assisting staff at the church in answering, “What really practical and specific things can we do to create a safe place for families (and staff, too) who are feeling overwhelmed?

We’ve put together some strategies for Kensington that we’ll be rolling out this month, but here’s a truth for us all. The kind of pain, loss, fear, and overwhelming stresses that Kensington is feeling aren’t limited to events like a school shooting. They are similar to what many of us are experiencing – even if the events of our lives aren’t so immediate or tragic.

The pandemic – now grinding into year three, the ongoing stresses related to racial justice, the politicization of just about any topic – demanding we “choose a side”, managing school from home, work from home . . . just about everything from home. It’s grinding us into the ground. It is literally shutting down our brains and bodies. Trauma-informed care, self care and personal wellness – they’ve never been more necessary than now. 

Trauma Free World’s team remains committed to helping people be their best in the midst of it all, and in helping people be a safe and healing presence for those around them. It’s encouraging for us to know there is a growing and worldwide community committed right alongside us!

I’m also comforted by the faith I share with my new friends at Kensington Church. Comfort from the words of Jesus to his earliest followers. “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” In the midst of all “the trouble” you might be going through, wherever in the world you’re going through it, perhaps His words will bring comfort to you, too.

It’s January and, if you’re like me, you’re still polishing up your goals and figuring out how you can give a few areas in your life a reboot this year. At the same time, my newsfeed over the past few months keeps telling me how many of us are languishing, experiencing anxiety, or feeling constantly distracted. It reminds me that no matter how ambitious I am or how much positivity I’ve got right now, if I want to experience growth and take new ground this year, it’s critical to incorporate rest. I thought I’d share a few thoughts and resources with our community in hopes that you all can find ways to rest, so you can be your most vibrant, strong and kind selves this year.

Surprise! Sometimes rest is active.

A couple of years ago I read a book called Sacred Rest, by Saundra Dalton-Smith. I can’t recommend it enough! In it, Dalton-Smith describes the seven different kinds of rest.

In addition to breaking rest into seven areas, the idea that rest could be an active pursuit was a game changer for me. I’d always thought of rest as something like a nap or a trip to the spa, but understanding that it could be a hike, a pottery class or having fun with friends was an entirely new idea! Understanding that sometimes rest can be active, as well as passive, helped open up the door for me to incorporate more rest that I saw as not only healthy, but fun!

Analyze your go-to relaxation habits.

The key to incorporating rest into your life is knowing what kind of tired you are. If you’ve got a desk job where you’re sitting and thinking all day, you may feel exhausted, but a night of Netflix and physical rest likely won’t make you feel restored. Likewise, in the workplace sometimes we are churning out work products regularly and creating a lot of output. This may leave you feeling creatively spent. Your knee jerk reaction to a long week may be that you need a break, a massage, or a vacation. And while those can be wonderful things, what you may need is some creative rest, or like Julia Cameron says in the Artist’s Way, some time to “restock the pond”.

Resisting rest.

Over the past several years we’ve had a Self Care module in our Advanced Trauma Competent Care class and whenever we teach this live we hear some interesting feedback from participants. It’s terribly difficult for many of us to make personal wellness a priority. People say it feels selfish or like a luxury. They may believe they don’t deserve it or sometimes it just gets put on the list as the thing we do after everything else is done and everyone else is happy, in bed, taken care of, etc.

Even when we understand the importance of rest, it can feel like a battle to choose the thing that’s good for us. 

One of the core things I have to wrestle with myself is really believing that taking care of myself is just as important as caring for others. I love being generous, thoughtful and serving others, but sometimes if I resist making time for rest, I end up feeling wiped out. It’s that old adage from the airplane – “put the oxygen mask on yourself first, so you can help others” – that we all need to take to heart.

Micro self care. Making it easy, makes it happen!

Last year we created the on-demand Self Care Foundations course, which is a short class that digs into the topic of rest and personal wellbeing. In creating that I found myself trying to come up with ideas for each type of rest that are short and easy to execute. Below are a few of mine, but I encourage you to make a list for yourself.

What can you do in 5-15 minutes that could give you the kind of rest you need? Share your thoughts in the comments! We need all the encouragement and ideas we can get!

I work with Trauma Free World and frequently get to see how trauma-informed care training  changes lives and helps people find hope and healing for themselves and others. I’m a trainer myself, but my primary role is to support our Affiliate Trainers who train people and organizations around the world. This is a story from a recent training in Africa.

https://traumafreeworld.org/shop/Training in Kenya

Hesitantly, she approached me, tapping my shoulder while I packed up to leave. Our three-day conference was finished, and she finally felt safe enough, felt brave enough, to share.

“I wanted to tell you my story. The training really impacted me.” She nervously fumbled some folded slips of paper. “Will you read it? I wrote it. I can’t say it.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “You see… my son….”

 I reached for the paper as tears formed in her eyes and mine as I read…

Orphaned. Abandoned. Pregnant at 16. 

 

Growing up with abuse and shame

She dropped out of high school and moved away from her familiar environment to the home of a distant relative. In her new home, she worked from early morning to late at night, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, hauling water. 

Every day she was verbally shamed, physically battered, and emotionally abused. Years of maltreatment made her feel unloved, unwanted, shameful, and worthless. And it all felt like it was her own fault.

 

The Cycle of Abuse 

As a result, her internal pain leaked out in anger towards her own son, the only one in her world more vulnerable than she. Daily, she unleashed years of neglect and abuse onto her son. 

I read and hear about the cycle of abuse very often in my line of work. While studies disagree on the rate of intergenerational maltreatment (as noted by this article), when someone is right in front of me telling me about it, it is so much more than a statistic. And in this case it was absolutely clear, we both wanted to do whatever we could to stop the madness and break the cycle. 

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. 

 

Beginning to talk it out

When she finally found her voice, she spoke at me, rapidly, pleadingly, “I didn’t know… I didn’t know what I was doing. I was just hurting so much. I was only thinking about myself. My son is 13 now. He is finishing exams at boarding school and then we’ll be together for the next two months. Is it too late? I’ve seriously hurt him. How will I recover what I never gave him when he was young? What should I do?”

She was beginning to talk it out. She needed the space to pour out her hurts and regrets and worries and someone to hear her. More than answers, she needed validation that, although it would be hard, taking steps toward healing her relationship with her son was possible. 

And, since this training was one of Trauma Free World’s faith-based trainings, in addition to offering encouragement and some practical next steps, I was glad to be able to take the hand of this wounded woman and pray together for comfort, healing and brighter days for both of them.

She needed practical techniques, support, prayer, and hope that things could get better.

And there is always hope. 

Trauma Free World runs on hope. Training can change people’s lives. We have seen this in the past and want to see more people changed in the future. This woman and her precious son have tough days ahead as they wrestle through their tangled histories. There is a LOT to heal. It won’t be perfect, but as they take steps forward, it can be better…for both of them AND the next generation in their family.

Trauma Free World Provides Its World-Class On-Demand Virtual Trauma Training to Staff and Volunteers at The Care Center of Loveland in Ohio

The faith based, community services organization purchases Trauma Free World’s All Access Pass for staff and an initial 100 licenses for volunteers to help them better support its guests who may have been impacted by trauma.

Cincinnati, OH – January 10, 2021 – Trauma Free World, the 501 (c) (3) organization that provides world-class on-demand and in-person training for adults who assist people who have experienced trauma, announced today they have been selected to provide their resources to The Care Center of Loveland. The non-profit organization provides youth mentoring, life coaching skills, recovery support, financial counseling and more to promote personal advancement, spiritual growth and overall stability throughout the community. It purchased two Trauma Free World (TFW) All Access Passes for staff members and 100 seat licenses to train their first wave of volunteers. The Care Center plans on purchasing more licenses to further equip all of their 250 volunteers.

The Care Center implemented TFW’s curriculum after realizing trauma was hindering the lives of its guests. “We realized that one of the main barriers keeping our guests from thriving in life was healing from prior trauma,” said Greg Knake, executive director of The Care Center. “We also realized that we weren’t equipped to address it. The training that Trauma Free World provides is our solution and they are now a critical partner in helping us become a trauma informed organization.”

“We’re thrilled to be able to assist The Care Center in developing the skills needed to address chronic and complex  trauma hindering those they serve,” said Julie Cooper, vice president of curriculum and training at TFW. “The implications of trauma in individuals’ lives can be extraordinarily deep. Trauma is often one of the main sources of much larger issues like depression, alcoholism, addiction and poverty. When we learn to identify problems at their root, we see a much greater change in the lives of people. Our curriculum enables The Care Center to better achieve their goal of providing a safe space where each person is treated with dignity, respect and care.”

“Volunteers are often on the frontlines at many organizations such as churches, after school programs or wrap-around programs,” said Rob Hall, President of Trauma Free World. “Many organizations, such as the Care Center of Loveland has experienced, can  see a very real impact by helping their volunteers become trauma-informed. Our training can benefit an organization’s volunteers – as well as staff, and help them be more sensitive to the needs of adults and children who may have experienced trauma,” concluded Hall.

About Trauma Free World

Founded in 2020, Cincinnati, Ohio-based Trauma Free World (TFW) is a 501 (c) (3) organization whose mission is to break the cycle of childhood trauma by providing world-class resources through on-demand, live-stream and in-person trauma training that is accessible to anyone – regardless of their literacy level, culture or location. To date, TFW has trained more than 3,500 people from 72 countries, representing over 1,000 organizations to engage with children in supportive, transformative ways which promote healing. More than 250,000 children have benefited so far and the organization plans on exponentially increasing its healing reach in 2021.

About the Care Center of Loveland

The Care Center is a faith based, community services organization that is dedicated to providing care for the whole person. For over 15 years, The Care Center has been offering community assistance, resources and encouragement to help support individuals in need. With over 250 active volunteers, they provide life coaching, financial guidance, spiritual growth, youth mentoring and many more support systems that help individuals all over the community. Visit http://www.golovelive.com/carecenter for more information.

Trauma Free World Creates Custom Podcast Series to Train Faculty and Staff at The Council on Educational Standards and Accountability (CESA) Schools

The four-part podcast series was created specifically to enable CESA’s 72-member Christian schools to provide better support to their students during the unprecedented trauma of the 2020 school year. The partnership aims to equip school leaders so they can better address the trauma of systemic racism and COVID-19 and positively impact over 60,000 students.

Cincinnati, OH – August 7, 2020 –

– The Council on Educational Standards and Accountability (CESA), a consortium of 72 member Christian schools responsible for educating more than 60,000 students, selected Trauma Free World (TFW) to develop custom childhood trauma education content delivered to faculty and staff in a four-part podcast series. Trauma Free World, a 501 (c) (3) organization, provides world-class trauma training enabled CESA members to better support students during the pandemic and racial unrest. 

“In my own family and community, I saw firsthand that the kids were hurting from the pandemic and racial unrest in the summer,” said Katie Wiens, executive director of CESA. “As school leaders, very few of us are trained to understand how events like this have a real impact on our kids. I wanted our member schools to recognize the urgency to meet the new needs of our students. TFW’s podcast series gave us the context we needed and the tools required to help us better serve our students. This podcast series has made me realize that I need to start at a different place this year and with a different mindset,” concluded Wiens.

“This partnership was an amazing opportunity for us to create a four-part podcast series with custom childhood trauma content that met CESA’s needs surrounding COVID-19 and racial issues,” said Rob Hall, President of Trauma Free World. “What’s also really exciting to us in partnering with CESA is that if all 70+ member schools became trauma-informed, that would mean more than 60,000 students would benefit from being around safe adults who understand how to help them heal and cope during the traumatic events of this year. This gives these students a path forward with more hope and possibility to live up to their potential. We begin to see healing , growth, and resiliency when we work together to build trauma free schools and trauma free communities.”

Visit https://traumafreeworld.org/ to learn more.

About the Council on Educational Standards and Accountability (CESA)

Founded in 2010 and based in Kennesaw, Georgia, The Council on Educational Standards and Accountability is a consortium of 72 member and candidate Christian schools responsible for educating more than 60,000 students. Their priorities are institutional excellence and institutional integrity. The CESA leadership team serves Christian schools through leadership services, academic enrichment, programmatic development, professional development, and by providing fellowship and fraternity to those who serve within Christian institutions. Visit https://www.cesaschools.org/ to learn more.

About Trauma Free World

Founded in 2020, Cincinnati, Ohio-based Trauma Free World (TFW) is a 501 (c) (3) organization whose mission is to break the cycle of childhood trauma by providing world-class resources through on-demand, live-stream and in-person trauma training that is accessible to anyone – regardless of their literacy level, culture or location. To date, TFW has trained more than 3,500 people from 72 countries, representing over 1,000 organizations to engage with children in supportive, transformative ways which promote healing. More than 250,000 children have benefited so far and the organization plans on exponentially increasing its healing reach in 2021.

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